Still the Song
by AZGirl
Summary: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.
1. The Song

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa. None this particular chapter.

**A/N**: A particular song inspired this story. When I listened to the lyrics, they sort of reminded me of Steve. Potential OOC-ness ahead…

_GibbsRules_ read this for me, but all remaining mistakes are mine. It's also her fault that I finally decided to chapterize this fic. ;0]

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**Chapter One: The Song**

"Stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting," comes the petulant reply from the passenger side of the car.

Danny takes his eyes off the road to glance at Steve, "That face, my friend, says different."

"I don't have a face." Steve turns towards Danny, "There's no reason why I couldn't drive."

A bewildered expression briefly meets Steve's frustrated one. "Hel-looo… You just got shot like two hours ago! There's no way I was going to let you drive my car!"

"It was just a bullet scrape."

"Seven stitches is _not just_ a scrape. Besides your dominant arm was hit."

"I do have two arms, if you recall," he reminds in a clipped tone. "I can drive just fine with only one arm."

"See," Danny points towards Steve, "that's where you're wrong. You drive like a lunatic at the best of times with two arms, I can just imagine how much more insane you'll—" The New Jersey transplant interrupts his rant and cocks his head to listen to a song just starting on the radio. "Hey…" he says smiling. "It's about damn time the radio stations on this sand-infested island play some decent music."

Steve doesn't recognize the opening strains of the song right away, but once the lyrics begin, the full force of the many bad memories he associates with it hit him and steal the breath from his lungs. It takes him the first few lines of the song to regain even the tiniest bit of control, but when he does, without thinking he reaches towards the radio only to have his hand smacked away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Steve can only open his mouth before Danny answers his own question. "You were going to change the station weren't you? The first time I hear a song by one of the musical geniuses from my homeland and you want to change it? I don't think so. Driver," he points to himself, "picks the music. Shotgun," he points to Steve, "shuts his cakehole and quietly listens."

Danny reaches toward the volume and turns it up high enough to be almost uncomfortable to listen to in the small interior of the Camaro. He then begins to sing along with the lyrics and Steve can't help but cringe – not because of Danny's singing ability, but because all he can think is just how much of a curse this song has been in his life nearly every time he's heard it. He doesn't think he's even capable of explaining to Danny why he doesn't want to hear this song. Doesn't want to explain his almost irrational fear of it, and he _definitely_ doesn't want to have to listen to the cursed strains anymore either.

Thinking quickly, he tries, "Danny can we at least turn the volume down, I have a headache."

He reaches for the volume and Danny smacks his hand away again, which brings its own set of frustrations to the fore. He's not some little kid who needs to be scolded for doing something wrong.

"You just want to stifle the musical brilliance that is the music from New Jersey." But, despite what he says, his partner does turn the volume down to more normal levels just in case Steve really does have a headache.

ooooooo

_To be continued…_

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This story is complete and 10 chapters long. I'll be posting either every day or every other day (but not on Saturdays). Anyone want to try to guess the song?

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	2. Using the Pain

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: The song's artist is revealed in this chapter.

Just a small reminder: I'm not a member of the medical profession, so I hope any mistakes will be overlooked. ;0]

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**Chapter Two: Using the Pain**

Steve counts the radio being turned down as a small victory, but he's not won the war just yet. He wants no _needs_ that song to stop playing as soon as possible, but it's not even half over yet. He doesn't want to keep flashing back to all the bad memories he's got in his head related to the words now being sung over the radio. But, he also can't seem to tell his partner the truth about why he needs that song to be silenced. So, he decides to just suck it up and endure like a SEAL should, like the SEAL he was trained to be and still is despite being the leader of the governor's task force.

He looks out the car's window and focuses intently on every detail of the passing scenery, hoping to block out the music from his mind. At first he doesn't succeed, but when he moves his injured right arm in an attempt to get into a more comfortable position in his seat, the pain that results helps him to focus. So, he lifts his injured limb to the window's sill and leaves it there – feeling the pain and using it as a distraction from the memories, he can never, will never completely be able to forget or block out.

When his body starts to get used to the pain and lets his mind hear the music again, he shifts his position in the seat so that he is now leaning on his arm heavily enough so that he can constantly feel the pull of his stitches as they strain to keep the edges of his injury together. It hurts a little, but it also helps a lot – the memories are retreating somewhat and are not overwhelming him anymore.

He gets to the point where he hardly sees the scenery go by his window anymore because he is so entirely focused on the pain in his arm and on the repression of his memories. Normally he doesn't allow himself to feel the pain for so long or even this much. His SEAL training had taught him how to push passed and ignore it. So allowing himself to feel it for this long is something almost foreign to him, and he suddenly feels as though he's betraying his training. But, in the next instant, he's reminding himself that his training also taught him to use whatever was available around him to accomplish his mission.

And, his mission right now is to survive hearing a song that evokes memories that he has successfully kept locked tight inside his head until today.

He curses the song once again and feels an irrational anger towards Danny for being from New Jersey. For being probably one of only a handful of people on the Islands who actually wants to listen to a song by Bon Jovi.

Realizing his thoughts have strayed and he can hear the song again, he flexes his arm muscles to bring the pain back to the forefront of his mind. This time he succeeds in blocking out the music, blocking out the memories, and focusing so intently on the pain in his arm that he doesn't even realize when the song ends.

He's so focused on not hearing, not remembering that he doesn't respond to his partner's attempts to capture his attention and engage him in conversation.

ooooooo

_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Thanks to those who reviewed and I couldn't reply to! :D

Apologies to anyone who expected this chapter to show up yesterday. With the recent news, I had an idea grip me and it wouldn't let go until I finished writing the story. If you're curious, feel free to PM me…

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	3. Zoned Out

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: I know these chapters are short, but I thought it best to divide this story up given the changes in POV rather than keep it one long piece.

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**Chapter Three: Zoned Out**

At first Danny thinks Steve is being a brat about having to listen to a decent song for a change. That he had to actually hear a bit of culture created by one of Jersey's finest exports.

But, after a while, he realizes that Steve is not really with him in the car anymore – not mentally anyway. He notes the way his partner seems to have completely zoned out, so deep in thought, that he worries his friend might actually be too far gone to come back.

He can see how Steve is leaning on his injured arm and knows that it is most likely painful to be in that position straining the stitches, but his passenger's face is completely devoid of …everything. It's a face he's not really seen before, one he doesn't want to put a name to, and one he actually hopes he never has to see again after today.

While stopped at a traffic light, he leans forward and catches a glimpse of his friend's eyes. The face he's seeing may be devoid of emotion, but the eyes are screaming out in pain. And, he's fairly certain it's not just the pain from Steve's arm that is causing it.

He can't stand to see eyes like that so he takes his life into his own hands, and waves a hand in front of Steve's face, but there is absolutely no reaction. Danny becomes worried that this is some sort of delayed form of PTSD and is unsure what to do next.

Should he call someone? Take Steve to the hospital just in case this is related to the arm injury? Or, should he just wait and see if his partner can snap back to himself by the time they pull into HQ?

His worry for Steve has totally obliterated the joy of hearing a song that reminds him of his home and of the family and places he remembers with fond nostalgia and also passionately misses.

He pulls into HQ's parking lot knowing Steve is still not back from wherever he's gone off to in his mind. Putting the car into park and turning the engine off, he then turns in his seat to face his still oblivious passenger hoping he doesn't regret what he's about to do. And, he hopes they won't have to try to explain why he's got a broken, bloody nose or worse if Steve instinctively reacts with his fists or elbows.

First, he tries gently calling Steve's name, but it doesn't work so he yells, "McGarrett!" and hits his partner hard on the shoulder. That definitely works.

His friend snaps back to himself, but before Steve can fully react to whatever is threatening him, the pain in his arm apparently surfaces as well. It causes him to recoil into a position reminiscent of a wounded animal getting ready to defend itself until the end.

Seeing the change from one extreme to the other, Danny tries soothing his confused passenger. "Hey! Hey, Steve? It's OK. You're OK… You back with me now? Steve?"

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_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	4. Ignoring What Happened

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: I just wanted to warn you that this is the shortest chapter of the story.

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**Chapter Four: Ignoring What Happened**

Steve blinks once, twice, and finally takes a deep breath. He then looks at Danny who has this sort of relieved expression on his face.

"Huh, what?" are the first words that not so intelligently come out of his mouth.

He clears his throat and takes a quick look out the windshield. Somehow they'd reached HQ without him being cognizant of over half the trip back. The car is parked and the radio is silent. It's a little unnerving that he doesn't remember the ride back, but he's also very thankful that he was able to shut himself down enough to not have to hear the rest of that song.

Then his brain rewinds the last minute or so. Why did Danny yell and punch him? Suddenly, he realizes that he must have zoned out so completely that it took Danny to help him come back to the present. Not good. Not good at all.

He wants to smooth out the current awkwardness between them and the worry in Danny's eyes but can't for the life of him think what to say. There really wasn't anything he could say without going back to the places in his head he'd rather not visit ever again if he can help it.

So, instead he chooses to ignore what happened.

He says a quiet "thanks" and gets out of the car, careful to avoid bumping or using his injured arm. On the way into the building Danny makes an attempt to ask him what had happened, but he interrupts it by cutting his partner off with a clipped, "Nothing. Drop it, Williams."

The unusual use of Danny's last name along with his tone of voice seems to stun the guy so much that it actually does stop his partner from engaging Steve in further conversation.

Steve spends the remainder of the time on the way up to their offices reminding himself of his training in order to help him ignore the pain he's still feeling. He's almost completely got it locked back away to how it was before he got into the Camaro – to the way it was just after the EMTs saw to his arm following the bust – by the time he walks into their area. He can feel the concern radiating from Danny, that he wants to say something, wants to ask questions, but for once his partner remains silent.

Chin and Kono are already back in the office because he'd asked them to get a head start on the paperwork and not wait for him to get stitched up. He deliberately strides right passed their offices without acknowledging them, and heads straight to his own determined to get his share of the dreaded paperwork done so he can leave. All he wants to do now is put this hellish day behind him.

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_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** No chapter tomorrow, but hopefully I will have time to post one on Sunday… No guarantees though.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	5. Are You Sure?

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: _Happy Mother's Day! =]_

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**Chapter Five: Are You Sure?**

Danny stops at the door to his office and watches until he sees Steve sit down before going to sit at his own desk. He's a little angry at the way his supposed friend outright dismissed him like that, but also can kind of understand Steve's desire to keep things, especially obviously painful things, close to the vest.

Moments later, Chin and Kono enter with concerned looks on their faces.

He looks up at them and says, "He's fine. Seven stitches. He's just cranky because I wouldn't let him drive my car back to the office."

Right away he can tell they don't believe him, but recognizes in their subsequent expressions, the signs of them letting it go because they know their boss and the haole get into arguments all the time. And the cousins should also know by now that he and Steve are never at odds with each other for very long.

Chin flicks a glance towards Steve's office. "You sure he wasn't hurt somewhere else besides his arm?"

Danny rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah. I made sure to have the EMTs thoroughly check him out, much to his displeasure as evidenced by the return of Constipation Face."

He chuckles and smiles hoping his actions are at least somewhat reassuring to his teammates. The cousins give each other a look and turn their heads in unison towards McGarrett's office.

"If you're sure," Kono says in a questioning tone.

Danny sighs and replies, "Don't worry. I've got this. Now shoo," he makes the corresponding hand motions, "Boss probably knows we're talking about him, and that will definitely not help his mood one iota.

"When you give him your completed paperwork, just—uh, just don't try to engage him in a conversation other than to say 'good night.' I doubt he really wants to talk right now."

He glances toward the direction of Steve's office as he hears a 'Sure thing, Danny' and a 'You got it, brah' from the cousins as they leave.

He's worried about his partner. _Actually, when am I not worried about my partner to some degree?_ his mind supplied.

What would make him completely zone out like that? He'd seen Steve do something similar when he'd found out Victor Hesse was still alive, but that was only for a few seconds and nothing like what he'd seen today in the Camaro.

Danny lowers his face into his hands trying to recall when the odd, scary behavior had started.

The last thing he remembers Steve saying to him was that he had a headache. _O God_, he thinks as his head pops up and jerks to look his friend's direction. Maybe Steve _did_ injure his head or maybe this latest gun fight aggravated an older injury?

Danny is suddenly fighting the urge to go check up on his partner like the father in him wants to do, but he doesn't because if he's not careful he knows it will only make things worse, make Steve retreat deeper back into his tough Navy SEAL exterior. Danny knew that whereas his life was more open and he was more willing to share parts of himself with others, Steve just wasn't like that.

The life Steve has led has made him construct and live behind incredibly high and practically impenetrable walls. No one gets through without Steve's express permission. But, his father's murder and their subsequent partnership have led to his partner finally allowing a select number of people to breach those walls and get to know the real Steve, if only a little bit.

And, over the months that they've worked together, Danny realizes that he's been given the rare privilege of being allowed behind those walls more often than anyone else except, perhaps, for his sister Mary. But, he had feeling that if he abused that particular privilege right now and pushed to know what had happened in the car, then he'd be thrown back to the other side of those walls, never to be allowed passage through again.

So, he opted to bide his time, and wait and hope for the right opportunity to present itself. In the end though he decided, as a way to help settle the growing unease within himself, to offer Steve a ride so that he could at least be sure his partner made it home in one piece.

Danny was on the home stretch of his share of the paperwork when first Kono then Chin, ten minutes later, stopped in to wish him a 'good night' and 'see you tomorrow' respectively. He could tell each had just been in to see Steve because of the worried looks on their faces. He attempted a reassuring smile for both, but knew he wasn't really fooling anyone, including himself.

A few minutes later, he decided he needed a cup of coffee before he could finish the last of his work, and left his office to go seek some out.

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_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

**A/N**: Next chapter Monday. I hope…

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	6. Avoidance

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: It's more than half-way through the story now…. And, this is kind of where it went a different direction than I'd originally planned.

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**Chapter Six: Avoidance**

Once Steve was ensconced in his office, he half expected Danny to come barging in at some point demanding to talk about what had happened in his car. He certainly didn't want to talk about it and would actually rather forget anything had happened. What he desired most right now was to take everything that damned song had dragged out and stuff it all back deep inside the vault of his memories never to see the light of day again.

But, he had a feeling that Danny wouldn't let him, them, forget what happened until he knew why his partner had acted so strangely – and all because of a song.

He caught a glimpse of the cousins going into Danny's office, presumably to talk about him. It made his blood boil slightly, but he forced himself to tramp down the emotions and not give the situation any more thought. Instead he focused his mind on getting his share of the work done.

While working, he managed to regain control over his pain and suppressed it so that his injured arm felt not that much different from his non-injured arm. He felt some discomfort but mainly he felt the pull of his stitches if he moved in certain ways.

Given the focus he had on his work, he was able to be almost finished by the time Kono dropped off her reports for his signature. She smiled as she set them on his desk and said, "Night, Boss."

He managed to return her smile with one they both knew was fake before responding, "Night."

When Chin came by to leave his report, Steve was just finishing reviewing and signing off on Kono's. The man barely paused on his way out to say, "See you in the morning," and did not even give him a chance to respond.

From his interactions with them, he knew Danny must have said something to Chin and Kono, which rekindled the earlier irrational anger he'd felt towards the Jersey native.

But when Danny never came in to confront him, Steve began to wonder if his partner was waiting for him to finish up for the night in order to ambush him and insist on giving him a ride home even though his truck was downstairs in the parking lot. Despite what his partner thought, Steve was perfectly capable of driving himself home even with the graze to his arm and he didn't need or want Danny coddling him.

A moment later, he saw his chance.

Danny, coffee cup in hand, headed toward their small break room, which meant the detective needed one last hit of caffeine to finish his paperwork. Steve recognized that this was the perfect opportunity to make a clean getaway even though it went against his nature to leave anything undone. If he wanted to avoid the inevitable talk, then he'd just have to take advantage of the opportunity he'd been given. Decision made, he promised himself that he'd come in early tomorrow to finish the last of his work. He quickly shut his computer down and grabbed his keys. Somehow luck was with him for a change and he was able to make it out of the building without his partner noticing.

As he left the parking lot, he realized he didn't really want to go home to his father's house. His memories associated with that song were still too close to the surface for him to be able to also deal with those that were sure to surge forward if he were to step into the house where his father was murdered. The SEAL then shook his head in dismay at the realization that he still considered where he lived his father's house.

_Definitely not going there then_, he thought to himself.

But, where could he go? He had no family left on the Islands and the very few friends he did have… Well, he didn't want to burden them with what was going to likely be a bad night, filled with nightmares and restless energy.

And, more importantly, he didn't want to talk to them about what was bothering him – maybe not ever, but definitely not until he could put away those damaging memories this day had forced to the forefront of his mind. Finally it came to him and he immediately turned off his cell phone so he couldn't be traced or bothered.

Steve headed to the store for some beer that he definitely did want and some food that he wasn't hungry for right now. _Maybe later_, he thought_. It's better to be overly prepared than not prepared at all. And, who knows? I might actually get my appetite back at some point_.

One last stop to top off his gas tank, and then he turned towards what would be his final destination for the night avoiding as many traffic cams as possible.

It was an obvious destination for him, but his team would be hard pressed to figure out exactly which beach he was going to camp out at tonight. Tonight he would let the solitude and the peace of the constant sound of the waves crashing, calm his battered mind. He hoped that would then allow him to shut those memories away again.

ooooooo

_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Apologies for no chapter yesterday. The site wouldn't let me upload my document! :o/

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	7. Realizations

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: Today you get the longest chapter and the best, _last_ clue to the song.

ooooooo

**Chapter Seven: Realizations**

Danny was ashamed and too pissed off at himself to think straight right now. How could he have been so stupid?

He had just gone to drop his report off and offer a lift to Steve when, at the half way point between their offices, he could see that the man wasn't at his desk. A bad feeling stole over him so he rushed in and did a quick check for the truck's keys only to find them gone. His partner had skipped out on him and had left the building without him noticing. Some detective he was…

Immediately, he tried Steve's cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail and guessed he wouldn't be able to use it to track the wayward idiot. And, he knew the ex-Intelligence officer was smart enough to avoid being tracked by all the other usual methods.

Damn it! How could he have let things go this long without talking to Steve! Why hadn't he anticipated this?

He figured Steve would rather ignore what had happened in the car earlier today – repress it and not talk about whatever it was that had triggered it. But, Danny didn't think that was exactly the healthiest thing for his friend to keep doing. Hell, the guy had barely finished burying his father before resuming his search for Hesse. Danny was also pretty confident that Steve had yet to properly deal with being a long distance witness to his father's murder.

And only recently finding out that your mother had not died in an accident but in fact had been murdered? The refugee from Jersey was almost positive that the SEAL had shoved any and all emotions related to that aside.

If Steve kept suppressing, repressing, etc., etc., his emotions, then one day Danny was afraid that his friend would self-destruct and break into a million little pieces – quite possibly never to be put back together again. That was something he never wanted to see happen to his partner, and if had anything to say about it, it wouldn't ever happen.

Lacking any other better alternatives, he decided the best option was to try going to Steve's house even though he had a feeling that no one but him was going to be there tonight.

As predicted, his partner was not home, so he turned his talents as a detective toward how one would go about finding a missing person with skills like Steve. Some methods obviously didn't apply as he was going up against a Navy man trained to avoid being found unless he wanted to be – and Steve definitely did not want to be found.

The very first idea that popped into his head was that Steve was at the beach, but which one? The whole dang island was one long continuous beach! All he could do to narrow the possibilities down was to eliminate all his friend's regular haunts and factor in the likely requirement of solitude.

Solitude. Of course… Steve would want to be alone in order to reinforce his walls and would definitely not appreciate anyone's company if Danny was so very lucky as to find the selfish bastard.

He speaks of us being an ohana, yet when he's hurting, he goes off alone to lick his wounds. Why can't he see that family goes both ways? He doesn't have to be alone anymore.

Danny sighs heavily and makes the difficult decision to head home to his apartment. He knew it would be pointless for him to try to find Steve. And, he was almost positive that if his partner saw him again anywhere but at the office first thing in the morning, they'd just end up saying something that would irreparably harm their friendship – and he simply wasn't willing to risk that.

If only he knew what had caused Steve to zone out in so scary a fashion…

As he was driving home, he started humming along with the tune playing on the radio while having second thoughts about whether or not he should confront McGarrett at some point or even at all. Maybe the best course of action in this case was to say nothing for a change.

He continued contemplating how he could offer up his willingness to be there for Steve without actually saying it and without it sounding confrontational, but kept getting distracted by the song on the radio – the song he was not just humming, but now also singing along to.

Danny was just about to sing one particular line, when it came to him like a massive sheet of lightning illuminating a stormy sky. He has to force himself to say the next lyric out loud:

'I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back.'

_Such a fitting a description of Steve_, he thinks fleetingly before yelling, "Damn it!" and slamming his hand several times on the steering wheel.

How could he have been so stupid, so blind? He'd been so happy to have something related to New Jersey come up and take his mind off the near disastrous take down of their perps and the injury of his partner, that he didn't take said partner's feelings in to account even after Steve had tried to say something to him.

Danny knew the power of music – how a particular song, lyrics or a certain melody had the ability to lift you up as easily as it could tear you down. It could provide comfort, make you happy, and it could even remind you of events from your life that you'd rather forget. And, some songs were even forever linked with certain occasions – "Taps," "Amazing Grace," the "Wedding March" are just a few examples that quickly jump to his mind.

He does it too. He would always associate the first song he and Rachel had danced to at their wedding with his ex-wife. Even today when heard the song, it brought back that day with perfect clarity, and now that they were divorced, it brought feelings of remorse, failure and loss to the surface. And he would always remember that first lullaby that he sang to his newborn daughter along with the feelings of love and completeness that it brought to mind.

Somehow that song … That must have been what had happened to Steve today, been some sort of trigger. He was relatively fine until it had started playing on the radio. He'd previously always thought Steve's dislike of Bon Jovi was a ploy to rile him up, but now he thinks he might know the real reason. Shortly after that is when Danny had first noticed that Steve had begun to shut him out.

Now he knew what had caused Steve so much more additional pain today than that from the injury to his arm. And, from the look in his partner's eyes, the song – and he can't even bear to name it even in his head – must have dredged up some extremely painful memories. God knew Steve probably had more than enough of those to deal with without Danny forcing his friend to face those that were best left alone and buried.

That song obviously holds some major emotional ties for Steve, and though he'd had no idea at the time, Danny still felt guilty for practically shoving it in his friend's face earlier. It was not something he could really make up for, but he wanted to try.

But how?

ooooooo

_To be continued._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I hope I've given you enough to figure out the song (which some have already guessed correctly), because I do not actually name it in this story.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	8. Sanctuary

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: Kudos to all those who guessed that the trigger song was 'Wanted Dead or Alive'!

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**Chapter Eight: Sanctuary**

He hadn't been to this beach in a long time and hoped he wasn't trespassing despite the free pass being the leader of Five-0 gave him. He didn't want to abuse the trust the governor had given him despite his sometimes less than legal methods of getting things done.

It was a beach still only accessible by trucks or similar vehicles so it was well off the beaten path for tourists and from the looks of the place, not many locals came here either. As he sat in the bed of his truck on top of his sleeping bag, he took another sip of his second beer and looked up into the dark sky above. He could see the millions of points of light above and hear the surf constantly crashing against the shore nearby, and started to feel more at peace than he had in a long, long time.

He hadn't realized that he'd needed this so badly until he'd arrived here. He'd gone from one mission to another to another to suddenly finding himself in the Reserves and leading a task force. Steve hadn't had a real vacation or day off to decompress in, well, he couldn't remember how long. He'd had half days off here and there, hung out with the team, but never a real vacation where he didn't have to worry about the next mission or the next case.

And, with those thoughts in his head, he promised himself that he'd find a way to do this more often. His mind and soul needed to be kept healthy just as much as his body.

The memories that had been brought forcibly forward earlier today were now seemingly of their own accord returning to their familiar recesses of his memory. The feeling he was about to break was receding.

He finished his second beer and reached for a third ignoring the stretch and pull feeling of the stitches. Popping the top, his inner voice which, for some reason and more often than not, now sounded a lot like Danny kept reminding him that he needed to eat and take better care of his arm.

A genuine smile graced his face, and he realized that he was no longer angry at his partner. There was no way Danny could've known that that song would cause such a reaction from him – a reaction that, if he was honest with himself, scared him a little bit. And yes, he'd gotten angry at his team for more than likely discussing his odd behavior earlier, but now he could see that they were worried about him and only cared about his well-being.

In fact, a good portion of what had befallen him was his fault. He always teased Danny about his unhealthy (at least in his opinion) attachment to everything related to New Jersey. So, he shouldn't and couldn't fault Danny for turning the tables on him when the opportunity had presented itself. If he had just told the Jersey native why he didn't want to hear that song, what that song was doing to him; then he was positive that Danny would've turned it off. But, he couldn't and it had led to this…

Steve took a deep breath and as he exhaled, he felt himself relax and his mind clear just that much more. The view when he had parked his truck had looked exactly the same as it had the last time he'd been here and it was still just as magnificent. This was a place he'd found one day not too long after he'd earned his driver's license and was allowed to go wherever he wanted.

It was somewhere he'd never been to with either friends or family. It was a place he'd never shared with anyone else and now probably never will. He needed a place that held no other associations to his life other than those he made for himself.

The sight of the water as it had glittered when the last rays of light had given way to night had been amazing. The breeze had caressed his skin and the sound of the crashing waves had soothed his mind. But it was the solitude, the time to be able to think and restore the balance he so carefully maintained in his mind – _that_ was the key to helping him heal.

Maybe someday he'd be able to talk about some of the things that song had triggered though hopefully one at a time instead of dealing with them in one crushing wave like he'd had to earlier today.

He knew Danny meant well, and he was so very grateful that his partner and team cared about him like he did them, but sometimes a person just needed to work things out alone. Once he was able to put himself back together, then maybe he'd be able to let his friend, his ohana, in again.

Setting his beer aside, he shifted his body so that he was lying down with his head propped up on his backpack. His mind more at peace now, he felt like he could finally, just maybe, sleep. And, if he was very fortunate, he would sleep through the night and not remember his dreams – bad or otherwise.

Come morning, he thought he might go for a swim in the ocean. His mind and soul taken care of tonight with solitude, and his body tomorrow with exercise – all three hopefully to regain the balance he'd been evidently lacking for so long.

He awoke at first light feeling refreshed, and fairly confident he'd slept straight through the night because he could not remember anything between thinking about going swimming and now. It'd been a long time since that had happened, and he was extremely grateful last night was one of those rare times in which he could sleep without dreams and without waking.

Changing into some spare swim trunks he kept in his truck's lock box, he went for a long swim. His arm was stiff, but otherwise it gave him no trouble as he swam. The exercise, the burn of his muscles, felt good and not like a chore for a change.

Stomach rumbling loud enough that he thought he could hear it through the water, he returned to shore and ate some of the food he'd not been hungry for the night before. Sitting on the beach, eating his breakfast and letting the sun dry his hair and skin, he knew he was ready to face his life again.

It had only been one night, but somehow it had been enough, been exactly what he had needed. One night to restore something he hadn't known he had lost. And, though he felt a twinge of sadness at leaving, he felt certain that he'd be back to visit this safe haven, this sanctuary someday in the near future.

Driving home, he got the feeling he knew who would be waiting there for him, and felt he was prepared for whatever Danny would throw at him.

ooooooo

_To be continued._

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**A/N:** The title of this chapter was almost the title of this whole story, but it changed once a lyric from another song popped into my head and took up residence. So if I told you the lyric was: "Still the song keeps playing"… Could anyone tell me off the top of their head, who sang the song?

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	9. Ohana

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: I didn't do my usual obsessive check of spelling and grammar on this chapter, so I hope it's OK…

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**Chapter Nine: Ohana**

After he'd had dinner and a beer that had tasted like ashes on his tongue, he'd made his usual good night call to Grace. He hadn't said anything and to his ears he sounded like his normal self, but she'd still picked up from his voice that something was wrong with her Danno.

Danny loved that his daughter knew him so well even at her young age. And because he didn't want to lie to her, he gave in and told her some of what was going on but only providing the barest of details. His team had caught some bad guys today, but Steve's arm had been hurt in the process. He then spent the next couple of minutes reassuring her that Uncle Steve was OK so that Grace wouldn't worry more than she already was.

Even after he'd finished his tale, she'd known that that was not the only thing preying upon his mind. He'd admitted, without giving her any of the details this time, that he'd inadvertently hurt Steve's feelings as well. Without hesitation, Grace said something that had immediately put his mind at ease.

"Danno, you are Steve's ohana. Don't worry about it; he's not mad at you anymore."

Just like that, the burden of what he'd done was lifted from his shoulders as he felt the truth and the reality behind her statement settle into his mind. They were partners, but more than that they were friends. Even though they argued all the time, he was certain that neither of them would hurt the other on purpose. He hadn't meant to hurt Steve – and was confident that they both knew that now.

They'd talked for a while longer about her schoolwork before Rachel had interrupted them to tell her it was time to go to bed. That night when he'd said, "Danno loves you," he'd put all his love for her into it and thanked God for such a wonderful daughter.

He went outside for a while after talking to Gracie and sat looking up at the myriad of stars – and acknowledged the fact that he could see more of them here than he ever could in the skies above New Jersey. He grudgingly admitted it was one point in favor of Hawaii.

Danny hoped that, wherever Steve was, that he was doing better and finding some sort of solace this night. God knew his friend deserved it after everything he'd been through in both his civilian and military lives.

His daughter had reminded him that he was part of Steve's family, his ohana. Having come from a family with more than one sibling and parents who were both still alive, he had no idea what it must be like to essentially have no family at all, like Steve. Mary was all the SEAL had left of his family but they had never really had the chance to be that close.

He'd deny it if asked, but Danny felt blessed to have a partner like Steve. In fact, and this was something he'd never admit to the guy, but Steve was the best partner he'd ever worked with despite the maniac's propensity to go into situations without any back-up beyond Danny and his seeming disregard for due process.

Honorable, noble, thoughtful, smart, stubborn, emotionally-stunted, reckless… Steve was all those things and more – the good and the not-so-good. They'd probably always disagree on everything from pizza toppings to police procedure, but there was no one else save Chin or Kono that he'd rather have watching his back. And he knew Steve would not only watch his in return, but do everything in his power, to the point of self-sacrifice if necessary, to keep his daughter safe as well.

So, was being a part of Steve's family really that much of a stretch for him?

And, with sudden blinding clarity, he realized it wasn't and gladly accepted the challenge of having a brother like Steve. His heart filled and his mind felt lighter than it'd been when he'd first come outside. He finally felt like he could get some sleep tonight.

He went back inside and poured out a shot of his good stuff to celebrate the recent addition to his own family, and if didn't know any better, he'd swear it was some of the best tasting alcohol he'd ever had.

Not long after, he went to bed (earlier than normal) having decided he'd be there at Steve's house first thing waiting for his partner, his friend, his brother to come home.

He knew he would figure out what to say when the time came, because wasn't he the one who expressed himself out loud the best and the most?

Danny woke up at first light, groaned out a complaint about what he did for family, and got ready for the day after a strong cup of coffee. When he arrived, he knew he'd beaten Steve home because his partner's big blue monster of a truck was not yet in the driveway. He parked his car out of the way and settled in to wait wanting to be there the moment Steve returned, but the second he put his head back and closed his eyes, he fell asleep.

ooooooo

_To be concluded with the next chapter._

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**A/N:** I don't drink so I hope those little bits were semi-realistic.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	10. Family

**Title**: Still the Song

**Summary**: A song on the radio throws Steve's world off its axis.

**Disclaimer**: Hawaii Five-0 is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: Only if you've not seen passed episode 1.12 Hana'a'a Mekehewa

**A/N**: Warnings: There might be a tad too much fluff, shmoop, or whatever it's called at the end of this chapter. Also, I'm not a medical professional...

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**Chapter Ten: Family**

When Steve turned into his driveway, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of Danny's Camaro. And once he caught sight of his friend asleep behind the wheel, he didn't even try to keep himself from laughing out loud as an idea quickly came to him. With a wicked grin, he hurried to shut the truck's engine down and open his door. Shutting it as quietly as possible, he made his way over to where his partner was sleeping.

He was about to reach an arm in and honk the Camaro's horn to wake the slumbering detective when he heard the man sleepily murmur, "Don't you even think about it, Steven."

"Too late, Danno," he said grinning at Danny who still had his eyes closed. "I thought it the second I saw you were asleep."

"And I was awake the second I heard your truck pull up," he lobbed back with an answering grin gracing his face before opening his eyes.

Taking a good look at his partner, he can see how relaxed and unburdened Steve was compared to yesterday. Danny was beyond relieved and happy to not see the pain he'd seen in his ohana's eyes anymore.

As much as he wants to know why that song had affected Steve so adversely, he just can't make himself broach the topic. He can't bring himself to take away that look of almost peace he finds in his brother's eyes. It's a peace that will probably never be complete as long as Steve has to live with memories from decades of traumatic, heartbreaking, stressful, horrifying, etc. experiences from both his civilian and military lives. But, he'll take what he can get if it means Steve is not as lost as he was yesterday.

It would be a cruel betrayal to their relationship if he pushed Steve to confront what had happened yesterday especially since his friend was the most laid back he'd ever seen him. Wherever his partner had gone yesterday, it had restored something in Steve, and he'd encourage him to take advantage of it more often.

So he decides to fall back to a position he knows very well, that of a protective brother looking out for his sibling, and decides to just let it go – for now. Someday, he'll get Steve to talk about that song, but just not today.

There was one other thing he notices about his partner.

The detective holds up an accusing finger, "You've gone swimming since the last time I'd seen you, didn't you?"

Steve opens his mouth to speak but Danny, stepping out of his car, beats him to it. "You are well aware by now that you're supposed to keep your stitches dry, you moron. And, don't even bother lying or making excuses. I'm a detective and I know you so don't even try, Brother."

The SEALs eyes widen a little in surprise at hearing Danny call him 'brother', and he hopes it wasn't just another phrase everyone used without thought in New Jersey, like when his partner called people 'babe' or how Islanders sometimes referred to each other as 'brah.' He loved the thought of Danny considering him a brother even though his friend already had one by blood. Though Steve was still learning how to let people in, he'd long considered Five-0 and especially Danny (and by extension Grace) his ohana, his family.

Danny puts a hand to his back and shoves him towards the front door. "Come on you. Go shower and please _try_ to keep those stitches dry this time," he admonishes. "While you get ready, I'll make us some coffee and breakfast – assuming you've got some food in your house."

Steve disarms his alarm and unlocks the door, but Danny pushes passed him in order to enter first. Using the step up into the house to bring him closer to eye level with his giant freak of a friend he turns, tilts his head and says with an apologetic tone, "I didn't know."

"I know," Steve smiles and lightly thumps the back of his hand to Danny's chest.

The blond holds his hands up in a conciliatory gesture, "And I'll make sure it doesn't happen again – at least with that song, OK?"

"Thank you," is the sincere reply.

"You're welcome, Brother," Danny replies, particularly enunciating the last word with a huge smile on his face letting Steve know that the man standing in front of him really did think of his partner as a sibling.

Steve gets this goofy look on his face – happy, excited, and mostly at peace with the world (at least for now). It's one he definitely wants to give a name to, if only for the entertainment value of Steve's protests about not having faces.

Danny knows that they haven't dealt with the underlying problems of yesterday, with those traumatic events Steve's associated with that song, but hopes his brother will let him completely in someday, even if they have to skip the classified bits.

The Jersey native steps aside and his arms make a shooing motion, "Go on you big goof," he says before pulling Steve inside and pushing him towards the staircase while he heads towards the kitchen.

They'd each only gone a few steps toward their destinations when Danny stops, turns and lifts a hand to point at Steve, "And don't think I won't have words with you about getting your stitches wet earlier."

Steve rolls his eyes and grins as he heads up the stairs. He never thought he'd wanted a brother, but feels blessed to have Danny in his life. He couldn't believe how great it was to have a family again.

ooooooo

_The end._

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**A/N:** I know many of you are disappointed that Steve and Danny didn't have the talk you were all probably anticipating. Remember a few chapters ago when I said the story went a different direction than I'd planned? I'd fully intended to tell you in some way what memories WDoA brought to Steve's mind, but then the family idea took over. Since I've started publishing this story though, I've been slowly working on a new idea where you'll definitely get one of the reasons (via flashback) why Steve hates to hear that song. I hope you stay tuned…

_**Many thanks/mahalos to all those who stuck around and read this story to the end! Also, I would like to express my gratitude to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited… Your kind words mean a lot to me. Thank You! :D**_


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